The
first element could be called genuineness, realness, or congruence. The more
the therapist is himself or herself in the relationship, putting up no
professional front or personal façade, the greater is the likelihood that the
client will change and grow in a constructive manner. This means that the
therapist is openly being the feelings and attitudes that are flowing within at
the moment. The term “transparent” catches the flavor of this condition: the
therapist makes himself or herself transparent to the client; the client can
see right through what the therapist is in the relationship; the client
experiences no holding back on the part of the therapist. As for the therapist,
what he or she is experiencing is available to awareness, can be lived in the
relationship, and can be communicated, if appropriate. Thus, there is a close
matching, or congruence, between what is being experienced at the gut level,
what is present in awareness, and what is expressed to the client.
The
second attitude of importance in creating a climate for change is acceptance,
or caring, or prizing – what I have called “unconditional positive regard.”
When the therapist is experiencing a positive, acceptant attitude toward
whatever the client is at that moment, therapeutic movement or change is more
likely to occur. The therapist is willing for the client to be whatever
immediate feeling is going on – confusion, resentment, fear, anger, courage, love,
or pride. Such caring on the part of the therapist is non-possessive. The
therapist prizes the client in a total rather than a conditional way.
The
third facilitative aspect of the relationship is empathic understanding. This means
that the therapist senses accurately the feelings and personal meanings that
the client is experiencing and communicates this understanding to the client.
When functioning best, the therapist is so much inside the private world of the
other that he or she can clarify not only the meanings of which the client is
aware but even those just below the level of awareness. This kind of sensitive,
active listening is exceedingly rare in our lives. We think we listen, but very
rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of
this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I
know.
How
does this climate which I have just described bring about change? Briefly, as
persons are accepted and prized, they tend to develop a more caring attitude
toward themselves. As persons are empathically heard, it becomes possible for
them to listen more accurately to the flow of inner experiencings. But as a
person understands and prizes self, the self becomes more congruent with the
experiencings. The person thus becomes more real, more genuine. These
tendencies, the reciprocal of the therapist’s attitudes, enable the person to
be a more effective growth-enhancer for himself or herself. There is a greater
freedom to be the true, whole person.
Carl R. Rogers: A Way of Being. (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company,
1980), p 115- 117.
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