The Process of Decision-Making

One of the astonishing learnings in such large group experiences is the incredibly complex ramifications of any decision. In ordinary life, a course of action is ordered by authority, and unless it outrages us, we tend to obey the order, follow the rule. Although people may mutter, it appears that, in general, everyone accepts the regulations. All the complex reactions are hidden.

But in a (person-centered) workshop community, where persons feel a sense of their own worth and a freedom to express themselves, the complexities become evident. Someone in the workshop proposes a way of dividing into small groups: “Let’s draw numbered lots. Then, all the “ones” will constitute a group, all the “twos” another, and so on.” It is hard to imagine the variety of responses. Reasons are given for this idea. Points are raised against it. Slight variations are offered. Exceptions are suggested. One discovers that there are not one or two, but dozens of personal reactions to this seemingly simple plan. Often the group seems on the verge of consensus, when one more member speaks up, “But I don’t like this because it doesn’t fit me.”

Such a process can be seen as – and often is – a cumbersome, complicated, irritating, frustrating way of arriving at a decision. After all, does the wish of everyone have to be considered? And the silent answer of the group is that, yes, every person is of worth, every person’s views and feelings have a right to be considered. When one observes this process at work, its awesome nature becomes increasingly apparent. The desires of every participant are taken into account, so that no one feels left out. Slowly, beautifully, painstakingly, a decision is crafted to take care of each person. A solution is reached by a process that considers each individual’s contribution – respecting it, weighing it, and incorporating it into the final plan. The sagacity of the group is extraordinary.

The process seems slow, and participants complain about “the time we are wasting.” But the larger wisdom of the group recognizes the value of the process, since it is continually knitting together a community in which every soft voice, every subtle feeling has its respected place.

Carl R. Rogers: A Way of Being. (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1980), p195-196.

Unity Out of Separateness

The sense of community does not arise out of collective movement, nor from conforming to some group direction. Quite the contrary, each individual tends to use the opportunity to become all that he or she can become. Separateness and diversity – the uniqueness of being “me” – are experienced. This very characteristic of a marked separateness of consciousness seems to raise the group level to a oneness of consciousness.

We have found that each person not only perceives the (person-centered ) workshop as a place to meet personal needs, but actively forms the situation to meet those needs. One individual finds new ways of meeting a difficult transition in marriage or career. Another gains insights that enable inner growth. Another learns new ways of building community. Still another gains improved skills in interpersonal relationships. Others find new means of spiritual, artistic, and aesthetic renewal and refreshment. Many move toward more informed and effective action for social change. Others experience combinations of these learnings. The freedom to be individual, to work toward one’s own goals in a harmony of diversity, is one of the most prized aspects of the workshop…… 

Carl R. Rogers: A Way of Being. (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1980), p190-192.

A way of Being (in the staff of person-centered workshops)

Staff members spent time working through interpersonal frictions and differences, which we did not wish to expose to the participants. Gradually we have come to see our function as a staff in a very different way. Briefly, we believe that our major task is to be ourselves. To this end, we spend several days together before the workshop convenes so that, insofar as we are capable:

We are fully open – first to one another, and later to the whole group;

We are prepared to explore new and unknown areas of our own lives;

We are truly acceptant of our own differences;

We are open to the new learnings we will receive from our fresh inward journeys, all stimulated by our staff and group experiences.

Thus it can be said that we now prepare ourselves, with much less emphasis on plans or materials. We value our staff process and want that to be available to the group. We have found that by being as fully ourselves as we are able – creative, diverse, contradictory, present, open and sharing – we somehow become tuning forks, finding resonances with those qualities in all the members of the workshop community.

In the relationships we form with the group and its members, the power is shared. We let ourselves “be”; we let others “be.” At our best, we have little desire to judge or manipulate the other’s thoughts or actions. When persons are approached in this way, when they are accepted as they are, we discover them to be highly creative and resourceful in examining and changing their own lives….

……we do not persuade, interpret, or manipulate,…..during periods of chaos, or criticism of staff, or expression of deep feelings, we listen intently, acceptantly, occasionally voicing our understanding of what we have heard. We listen especially to the contrary voices, the soft voices, those that are expressing unpopular or unacceptable views. We make a point of responding to a person if he or she spoke openly, but no one responded. We thus tend to validate each person……

We are a thoroughly open staff, with no leader and no hierarchical organization. Leadership and responsibility are shared…… 

Carl R. Rogers: A Way of Being. (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1980), p185-188.

On Empathy

An empathic way of being with another person has several facets. It means entering the private perceptual world of the other and becoming thoroughly at home in it. It involves being sensitive, moment by moment, to the changing felt meanings which flow in this other person, to the fear or rage or tenderness or confusion or whatever that he or she is experiencing. It means temporarily living in other’s life, moving about in it delicately without making judgements; it means sensing meanings of which he or she is scarcely aware, but not trying to uncover totally unconscious feelings, since this would be too threatening. It includes communicating your sensings of the person’s world as you look with fresh and unfrightened eyes at elements of which he or she is fearful. It means frequently checking with the person as to the accuracy of your sensings, and being guided by the responses you receive. You are a confident companion to the person in his or her inner world. By pointing to the possible meanings in the flow of another person’s experiencing, you help the other to focus on this useful type of referent, to experience the meanings more fully, and to move forward in the experiencing.

To be with another in this way means that for the time being, you lay aside your own views and values in order to enter another’s world without prejudice. In some sense it means that you lay aside your self; this can only be done by persons who are secure enough in themselves that they know they will not get lost in what may turn out to be the strange or bizarre world of the other, and that they can comfortably return to their own world when they wish.

Rogers, R. Carl: A Way of Being. (Boston: Houghton Milfflin, 1980.)