Connecting through weakness

“People feel really as if they shouldn’t have these troubles. They shouldn’t have that knee that doesn’t work right, or they shouldn’t hurt in their heart. And yet, first of all, the first thing you notice is you connect through that. What do old people do? They connect through their kidneys. They connect through their this or their that, their troubles. Number one.

Number two, other people tell each other when, as they grow into intimacy – and I don’t mean lovers, I mean just as they grow closer – they tell each other their hurts. So there must be some connection between loving connection or closeness and the need to be vulnerable, or being vulnerable. So we relate, we connect through our weakness, not through our strength. That’s an idea, anyway, that comes out of the psychologist, C.G.Jung. We connect through our weakness and not through our strength. Because when you connect through your strength, you argue. You each try to master the other or control. Connect through your weakness, you’re both helpless. So that’s one thing. So therefore, these symptoms that come along or these breakdowns or weaknesses have a secondary gain in them. They have a value. They make your more vulnerable and therefore more open to connection.

Unfortunately, in a very heroic culture such as we have where you’re supposed to do it on your own and not buckle, the moment of weakness has to be covered over, and so we get more isolated. So psychologically, what’s important is really feeling the places of weakness. ”

James Hillman, in an interview on “The Soulless Society”